


Zankan (残寒)

by capncosmo



Category: Yamada Tarou Monogatari | The Story of Yamada Taro (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-08
Updated: 2010-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-18 02:11:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capncosmo/pseuds/capncosmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's right, or it's wrong, or maybe it's both or neither.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zankan (残寒)

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this written for at least 6 months, but I haven't posted it because I really have no idea if this makes any sense at all, particularly due to my apparent inability to tell a story in a linear fashion. vintage_belle @ LJ suggests it may need a "sequel" from Tarou's point of view, but, I guess we'll see.

"Mimura-kun," Takako said as though just saying his name could make him agree with her. "What are you doing?"

"What's best" Takuya answered. It was clear from Takako's reaction she didn't believe him any more than he believed himself.

-8.

"I--" Takuya started one day out of the blue. He hadn't ever meant to say it, but somehow, today... "I like you."

Tarou smiled in a small way, maybe embarrassed, but he said, "I'm glad." He bumped Takuya's shoulder with his own. "I like you, too."

7.

"I like you," Takuya bit out. It was insincere, she'd know it was insincere, but.

"I'm so happy," Saori said then, smile full of sunshine and everything he had been convinced he wanted, once. "Let's get married."

-7.

"So, you and An-chan," Jiro said to Takuya the next day after his confession. Count on Tarou to spill everything to his siblings. "I'd give you a warning or something, but I think you already know."

Takuya smiled at Jiro. Sometimes he forgot how grown up Jiro had gotten, and how much he resembled Tarou in being fiercely protective of his family. "I'll try to earn your confidence in me."

6.

"I feel like there's something you're not telling me, Mimura-san." Saori narrowed her eyes and leaned over her drink in a way that reminded him to violently of Tarou, it hurt. "Don't you have any friends or anything?"

"No," Takuya said truthfully. "There's no one who's my friend anymore."

-6.

"Hey," Mutsumi said in that way ten-year-old boys have. "Why are you and Mimura-an-chan holding hands?"

Tarou sputtered a bit, so Takuya answered. "You should go ask your sisters." He nodded at the other side of the house, around the corner of which Yoshiko and Itsuko were giggling loudly and being not at all discrete in their attempts to "spy" on their brother's love life. Not that Takuya hadn't been grateful for their initial interference of putting Takuya's and Tarou's hands together when neither of them had the courage, but their giggling was ruining the atmosphere.

5.

"C'mon, Mimura-san." Saori tugged him along by the arm through the park, and Takuya was struck by how hard his grandfather must have looked to find a proper young lady with a thousand-watt smile, a sense for what was important in life, and a deep love for her family. He tried to feel grateful, but all the emotion got stuck in his throat instead. "Isn't this the perfect first date?" Saori asked, spinning in the sunshine and cherry blossoms.

"Yeah," Takuya managed to get out around the bile in his throat. "It is."

-5.

"Ah, sorry," Tarou apologized despite nothing being his fault, not the ruined lunch of the rain or the fact they only had had a precious few hours to begin with before Tarou had to go to another one of his endless part time jobs.

Takuya shook his head, pulling close to Tarou under the umbrella despite the fact his left side was already soaked. "Today was a perfect first date."

4.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Mizumori Saori." The young woman bowed deeply, and Takuya did likewise. Takuya guessed from his grandfather's confident expression there was something about her that was special, but he hadn't been able to guess at what it was until she came back up, eyes sparkling and dimples showing.

"I hope was can get along well in the future," Takuya returned formally. He let none of his anger show in his voice.

-4.

"Mimura-kun." Tarou sounded breathless, and Takuya recognized on some level that he should too. After years of waiting and yearning, their first kiss, his first kiss, _should_ have taken his breath away. Takuya was almost afraid to speak and reveal it hadn't. "Oh," Tarou said, expression totally changing. "I have to get back. My break's probably over."

Takuya smiled. "See you later, then." But Tarou was already gone.

3.

"Grandfather," Takuya said over his shoulder as his grandfather came into the room. He really didn't need to look to know his grandfather was frowning at his arrangement. He had hoped these days were over, but apparently not. When Grandfather said nothing, Takuya said, "Don't you think I should get married soon?"

Grandfather's expression might have been surprised or troubled or pleased, but his voice was flat. "If that's what you want."

-3.

"What's wrong?" Tarou asked. He always knew when Takuya was upset, almost as if Takuya was a Yamada brother. Takuya didn't know where to start, how to explain. It certainly wasn't that he didn't want this -- Tarou had been his first and only one, he'd wanted this for years. He knew he did.

"Nothing." Takuya ran his fingers over the lines of Tarou's face, smoothing away the doubt. When he stared in to Tarou's eyes, he was convincing both of them.

2.

"Eh," Grandfather said when he saw the chair next to Takuya was empty. "When's Tamiko coming around again? I miss Tamiko."

Something tightly strung in Takuya finally snapped, and he spoke before Isogai could. " _Tarou_ ," his mouth hung on the name, "won't be coming around anymore." Takuya left the table before his grandfather or Isogai could get out more than an incoherent stutter.

-2.

"I'm happy," Takuya said out of nowhere, apropos of nothing. He leaned further into Tarou's warmth as they watched the night sky, brought into more brilliant focus by the cold.

"Eh?" Tarou asked, turning to cling at Takuya's shoulders. "Really!? Ah, I'm happy too."

Takuya couldn't say anything grander or more romantic than that.

1.

"I'm not speaking to you," Takako informed Takuya. Of course she was on Tarou's side. "But I'm willing to forgive you if Yamada-kun does, and he seems pretty willing to, so I think you should talk to him but not to me because I'm not talking to you."

A lot of things came to Takuya's mind to say, some cruel and some self-pitying and some all too revealing. He settled for, "I'm not changing my mind," and left a stunned Takako behind on the frost covered quad.

-1.

"See you, Mimura-kun!" Tarou yells over his shoulder, and Takuya feels himself slide into the anxiety that overtakes him when Tarou isn't around. He watches Tarou fade away, like a sunset, and is left in darkness.

He doesn't doubt his ability to keep lying to himself. He thinks he might be able to keep lying to Tarou. But something in him, a bit that wasn't there before Tarou came into his life, protests at how unfair it is to Tarou, who could do so much better than Takuya. So it's ultimately selfish that he wants to stop. Thought Tarou is long out of sight, he says aloud, "Goodbye."

0.

Takuya knew Tarou would bounce back. Tarou was resilient and strong, and wasn't that why Takuya had fallen for him? That knowledge didn't help him watch Tarou's heart break, though, as it cracked and shattered plainly in front of him. "I don't think we should see each other anymore," Takuya finished.

Tarou looked at the sky for a moment, but came back with a shaky, insincere smile on his face. "Okay, Mimura-kun. See you around." Takuya watched him leave, cursing for a moment Tarou's blanket acceptance of the faults of people he cared about, before returning the blame to where it really belonged. Someone as cold as Takuya, who couldn't even love the man he loved, probably needed to be tormented a lot before it would hurt as much as it should. Luckily, the fact that he knew he was doing the right thing brought him no comfort at all.


End file.
